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ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE
RAW - SEPTEMBER 13, 1999 - ANAHEIM, CA
BY SAMJERRY@AOL.COM
Visit My Home Page At: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
The program began with clips of HHH over the past few weeks, including his being thrown into an ambulance, manufactured by The Acme Ambulance and Guided Missile Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, by Stone Cold Steve Austin (SCSA) last Thursday on Smack Down. SCSA then destroyed the ambulance with a semi, manufactured by The Acme Heavy Duty Trucks and Ping Pong Game Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, however, HHH had gotten out.
After the RAW opening, JR and The King were at the announcers desk.
We saw Kane, The Rock, Mankind, The Undertaker and The Big Show backstage. All were contemplating the meaning of life.
We then saw WWF Owner Linda McMahon (aka Mommy Dearest) in her office talking with The Stooges, Pat Patterson and Jerry Bricoe. They were trying to persuade her to go back to her hotel. She said she had to go out and talk about "family business."
HHH and Chyna arrived in a car, surrounded by many of California's finest.
Mommy Dearest and The Stooges came to the ring. She announced a No Holds Barred, First Man to Score a Pinfall Wins Match for No. 1 Contender's Spot and the right to face the WWF Champion at Unforgiven. The participants will be Kane, The Rock, Mankind, The Undertaker and The Big Show. Do you suppose that was why we saw them at the start of the show? Nah, probably just a coincidence. HHH and Chyna watched on a monitor backstage approvingly. She went on to say that if SCSA arrives tonight, he has the right to have a return match for the title, per contractual agreements. HHH and Chyna stopped smiling and came to the ring, accompanied by his platoon of police. HHH and Chyna kicked The Stooges sorry asses, with Chyna sending Patterson home singing two octaves lower. A chant of "Asshole" serenaded HHH as he addressed Mommy Dearest, telling her to go home to her office in Stamford before he does something he might regret. I figured he was going to pin a "Kiss Me" sign on her back. He said something to her that we couldn't hear on the mic as The Undertaker and The Big Show come to ringside. They must have been thinking the same way as me and wanted to be the first to kiss her. They were soon followed by Kane, The Rock and Mankind. Looks like she is a popular lady, the way they were lining up to kiss her. They all got into the ring. I was wrong, they didn't kiss her. She got out as a brawl erupted. HHH and Chyna got their asses out of Dodge in a hurry.
We saw a cage hanging above the ring as we left the five of them in the ring.
Michael Cole talked with JJ, Debra, The Puppies, Miss Kitty and The Kittens backstage. There were enough animals there for a Discovery Channel program. Cole wanted to know about JJ's attack on the two oldest living (or almost living) female ex-wrestlers in the world, The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young (unofficial combined ages - 253 yrs) on SmackDown. JJ crowned Moolah with Guitar No. No. 3883 (Unofficial Count) and applied a Figure Four on Mae. He challenged any woman to a match as a message to Chyna, who will challenge him for the Intercontinental Title at Unforgiven.
Shane was seen arriving.
Cole talked with The Rock and Mankind backstage. The Rock did his routine, with the crowd joining in. Mankind imitated The Rock, ending with The Rock laying the smack down on him. There is only one Mankind.
JJ, Debra, The Puppies, Miss Kitty and The Kittens came to the ring, with Miss Kitty carrying Guitar No. 3884 (Unofficial Count) manufactured by The Acme Guitar and Tennis Racquet Company, Division of The Acme Corporation. He wanted to know which woman had the genitalia to face him. Luna raced in. She could frighten him to death but beat him? I don't think so. I gave her a 10 for Genitalia Fortitude and a 1 for Brains. Needless to say, she got her genitalia kicked. Ivory raced in, grabbed the Guitar from Miss Kitty and used it on Luna. Scratch Guitar No. 3884 (Unofficial Count). Guitar No. 3885 is warming up in the Bullpen. Ring Announcer Lillian Garcia announced Luna as the winner by DQ. This didn't thrill JJ too much and he went out to tell her so. She got into the ring, proving that The Fink isn't the dumbest Ring Announcer around. JJ applied a Figure Four on her. Debra and Miss Kitty were distraught at the way he manhandled her.
Winner - Luna - By DQ
Loser - Lillian Garcia - A change in professions might be the answer
Loser - Guitar No. 3884
SCSA was shown arriving in the arena.
Terry Taylor talked with Chyna backstage. He asked about her upcoming match with JJ. She said she wasn't impressed by his manhandling the "old hags," and Lillian Garcia. She plans to take the Intercontinental Title from him. She also said SCSA was "going to get hammered." Do you suppose she and HHH have plans for their sledge hammer?
The next match was D-Von Dudley, accompanied by Bubba Ray Dudley, v. Farooq, accompanied by Bradshaw. The Dudley's came to the ring first and Bubba Ray did his stammering routine. I'm glad Vince McMahon likes it because I sure don't. D-Von challenged Farooq to make it a Dudleyville Strap Match as he bad mouthed him. Farooq stormed in and the match was underway. They used the strap on each other and the match was rough. Bubba Ray grabbed a Steel Chair, manufactured by The Acme Table and Steel Chair Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, and introduced Farooq's head to it. He then went over and bashed Bradshaw. Bubba Ray is an equal opportunity ass kicker. D-Von pinned Farooq. Bradshaw used the chair on Bubba Ray. They will all meet for tea, crumpets and a tag team match at Unforgiven.
Winner - D-Von Dudley
Loser - Farooq and Bubba Rays' heads
We saw SCSA in his locker room getting ready for his match with HHH.
Cole tried to talk with The Undertaker and The Big Show. He took off as The Undertaker indicated it might be a wise move. The Undertaker said he couldn't care less about The Rock and Mankind's rhymes; he is coming after them.
JR was in the ring and introduced The British Bulldog, who came to the ring to a nice pop. He said he gave The Hardcore Title to Al Snow because he deserves it. He said he is showing the people who doubted he would ever be back that they were wrong, adding he has been the European and Intercontinental Champion, as well as Tag Team Champion, but before he retires he will be the WWF Champion, and retirement is a long ways away. The Big Bossman came out and was pissed about what The Bulldog did on SmackDown last week. He told The Bulldog he wont be WWF Champion, but will be sent home in a doggie bag by The Bossman.
Al Snow came out and asked The Bossman if he got the letter he stuffed down his throat on SmackDown. Snow said it was a challenge for a Special Match, "Just like you put Pepper in a cage and cooked him." The challenge is for a Cage Match, with a Hell In The Cell Cage around the regular cage. The Bossman accepted as long as The Hardcore Title was on the line. Snow said it was, then added that between the Cages would be two of Pepper's friends. With that, two Rotweilers were brought out. The Bossman said he wasn't afraid of them and agreed to the match. The Bulldog then hammered The Bossman from behind (for shame Bulldog). The Bossman fought back, however, when the Rotweilers were brought down, he took off faster than he knew he could run. He escaped thru the crowd, who may have been more dangerous than the Rotweilers.
Cole talked with The Mean Street Pussies (MSP), Joey Abs, Rodney and Pete Gas, and Terri Runnels backstage. Joey said he wasn't going to listen to Shane and was going to kick Test's ass. Note To Joey: Pack a big lunch. He told Test "that if he wont fight for himself, to fight for that tramp (Sweet Steph)." It must be hell to be dumped. He told Terri that she might want to wait in the trailer because it would be brutal.
HHH was shown pacing backstage.
Dennis Miller was sitting in the crowd. I wont go off on a rant here about it.
We then saw two EMT's rushing to the side of a fallen Shane. Someone had apparently kicked his ass. I wonder which three it might have been.
The next match was Joey Abs, along with Rodney and Pete Gas, v. Test. Rodney and Pete Gas didn't get involved ... Not. Test did a number on them, but it ended up as a 3-On-1 after Test hit Joey with a Power Bomb and pinned him. Shane raced in jumped Joey. Do you suppose Joey was involved in the attack on Shane? MSP jumped Shane, but Test ran them off. MSP took off with Shane and Test in pursuit. They chased them out into the parking lot and took off after them in a car. Looked like a chase in a "B" Western.
Winner - Test
Loser - Mean Street Pussies - The jerks get their asses kicked more
often than The Brooklyn Brawler
We saw SCSA on his way to the ring.
The next match was for the WWF Championship, pitting HHH (C), with Chyna, v. SCSA. SCSA came out first to a monster pop. HHH, Chyna along with the entire
California Highway Patrol. He told SCSA he had blown his chance last week on SmackDown when he drove the semi into the ambulance. That represented Aggravated Assault and he just signed an arrest warrant. With that, the California Highway Patrol went to the ring and handcuffed SCSA, placing him under arrest. HHH came into the ring and smashed SCSA. The police restrained him. The crowd chanted "Asshole." SCSA was led away.
Switch to the garage and the police were putting SCSA into a police car. Mommie Dearest was standing nearby talking on a cell phone. HHH ripped it out of her hand and threw it away. It was my guess that she was making dinner reservations, but I've been wrong a few times.
The Godfather came to the ring accompanied by five primo California Ho's. One of them was wearing a dress that showed what she ate for dinner. She had much difficulty keeping it down. He did his Ho Train bit. He was announced as being from "The Red Light District." That has to be in either Parts Unknown or Dudleyville. His match was v. Chaz. Prior to the match we saw a clip from last week of Chaz saying it was over with Mariana and he had to move on. The Godfather told Chaz since he had no luck with the ladies, he wasn't going to make him and offer, and that they should just wrestle. The match was in progress as Mariana came to the ring crying, and sporting a shiner. She kept asking Chaz "Why?" The Godfather sad her eye and thought that was what she was asking about. Nobody abuses the ladies when The Godfather is around. He was all over Chaz and nailed him with The Pimp Drop for the victory. The Ho's mobbed him. Pimpin' Ain't Easy, but it sure is fun.
Winner - Godfather
Loser - Chaz - Unlucky in love, unluckier in the ring
Winner - The Godfather - If I have to explain, you haven't been paying
attention.
Mommie Dearest was back in her office with The Stooges. Patterson again tried to get her to go back to the hotel. She said there was family business to take care of and she wasn't running from anyone.
We saw a series of clips highlighting X-Pac splitting with Kane, for Kane's own good. Included was one from SmackDown, where X-Pac told him he was holding him down.
The cage came down as Chris (Y2J) Jericho came out for a match. He did is "RAW is Jericho" routine and made fun of Ken Shamrock, saying he, not Ken was The World's Most Dangerous Man. He called the cage "the Y2Jail" and said he plans to beat The World's Best Shoot Fighter in it. Calling himself "one Bad Mamma Jamma," he introduced "The Sultan of Shoot Fighting" Gotch Gracy. A hooded man dressed in black with "GOTCH" on his shirt came to the ring. The match got underway and Y2J applied several submission hold on Gotch. Gotch tapped out to The Lion Tamer. Y2J then applied Ken's Ankle Submission hold. That's all I can stand, I can't stand no more. Shamrock came to the cage. Y2J tried to climb out. Gotch got up and nailed Kenny. It was then 2-On-1 as Y2J and Gotch assaulted Kenny. Gotch removed the mask to reveal he is Curtis Hughes, back on the WWF.
Winner - Y2J
Loser - Gotch - Think Gotch is short for "Gotcha?"
Loser - Ken Shamrock - Hands of Stone, brain to match - Y2J has
been making a fool out of him
We saw Kane, The Rock, Mankind on their way to the ring.
We got a shot of D'Lo handing The Godfather some money. D'Lo, a customer?
Backstage Cole spoke with Y2J, as Hughes looked on. Y2J said he is trying to teach Shamrock a lesson, so went out and got Hughes to protect him. Hughes has been a bodyguard in the past.
The next match was the No Holds Barred, First Man to Score a Pinfall Wins Match for No. 1 Contender's Spot and the right to face the WWF Champion at Unforgiven. The participants were Kane, The Rock, Mankind, The Undertaker and The Big Show. Soon after the match started Mideon and Visera uglied up ringside by their presence. When Mankind was thrown out their way, they treated him to a fist punching. Mankind nailed Kane with a Double Arm DDT, but The Undertaker pulled the referee away and decked him. Scratch one referee. Another came down as The Rock nailed The Undertaker with a DDT and The People's Elbow. Kane stopped the second referee from counting and sent him to LaLa Land. Scratch the second referee. A third and fourth referees came in and met similar fates. The Referees were falling like flies. Senior Referee Earl Hebner came down and decided his wife and family were more important, so he left. In short order, The Godfather, Crash Holly and Prince Albert came in and all got clocked. Chaz was next in and then the entire locker followed. We had a WWF Roster Battle Royal going. A bunch of WWF officials came in and tried to restore order. The WWF then pulled a WCW and went to a commercial, leaving us hanging.
Winner - The match was a No Decision according to JR
Loser - The Viewers - We were shafted
We saw the referee's locker room. It looked like a MASH Unit. They told Hebner they weren't going out anymore.
The next match was a tag team event pitting Val Venis and D'Lo Brown v. Steve Blackman and Mark "Sexual Chocolate" Henry. Henry didn't come out so Blackman fought himself. He tried hard. He failed. The end came on D'Lo Frog Splash. As Blackman headed up the ramp. GTV came on the TitanTron. Mark Henry was watching two of The Godfather's Ho's dance for him, as The Godfather looked. D'Lo is a real standup guy buying the Ho's for Henry. Blackman wasn't all that happy at Henry's good time.
Winner - Val Venis and D'Lo Brown
Winner - Mark Henry - This was lucky night
Loser - Steve Blackman - This wasn't his lucky night
We saw HHH and Chyna heading to the ring.
The police cars returned, escorting a limo.
HHH and Chyna came to the ring. He addressed Mommie Dearest, telling her this was personal, and not to involve others and force him and Chyna to kick The Stooge's asses. He called her to the ring and she obliged. He told her he likes her, but SCSA had forfeited his title shot. He asked her to agree. She said "No." He pressed her about it and she stood firm. He was getting real upset at her and grabbed her. Vince McMahon came to the ring. There were no "Asshole" chants! He said he gave his word not to get involved in WWF affairs, but this as personal. He continued "Listen up you SOB," going on to say he gave HHH his chance. He took his jacket off and it appeared that he was going to meet HHH for the title. Not tonight. SCSA was back, and with a vengeance. He spent the better part of the next 5-7 minutes kicking HHH's ass up one side of the arena and down the other. The crowd chanted "Austin" continually. SCSA went out, got a chair and brained HHH with it. He then used it on his legs. Paybacks really are a bitch. Referee Hebner tried to stop it, but joined his buddies on the casualty list when SCSA plastered him. When he got up, he called for the bell.
They were on the floor as the cage came back down. Austin dragged HHH into the cage and continued wiping the floor with him. He hit HHH with The Stunner and gave him The Bird as the program ended.
Winner - HHH - By DQ
Loser - SCSA using him as his personal punching bag
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