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ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE
ECW ON TNN - SEPTEMBER 10, 1999 - QUEENS, NY
BY SAMJERRY@AOL.COM
Visit My Home Page At: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
The program began with a clip of Raven's return to ECW. Raven came into the ring as The Dudley Boyz were tearing Tommy Dreamer apart. He hit them with a Double DDT, pinned them, thereby winning the ECW Tag Team Titles for himself and Dreamer. Francine was in the ring trying to figure out why Raven would help Dreamer, since they had been mortal enemies. The crowd welcomed Raven back and he went out and made nice with them
After the ECW opening, Joey Styles and Joel "The Quintessential Stud Muffin" Gertner were at the announcers position. Styles must have gotten a big raise to put up with Gertner. Gertner said we will see Rob Van Dam defend the ECW TV Title v. Jerry Lynn, and more on the Dreamer - Raven feud. Joey had difficulty getting a word in as Gertner continually ran his mouth. It was a pattern that we would see the entire program. He gave the cards for upcoming House Shows thru early October and hyped the ECW Merchandise Catalogue and Magazine. Just think, if you have a spare $5,000 laying around, you can become the biggest ECW fan in your neighborhood.
The first match pitted "Steve Corino's Rookie Monster" Rhino v. Super Crazy (SC), The Insane Luchadore. It was aerial skills v. power; an F-15 v. an Abrams Tank; a mosquito v. a gorilla. I think you get the picture. Hell, even that rocket scientist in Ames, Iowa could figure it out ... I think. The crowd chanted "Super Crazy" as he came to the ring. Some of the action we saw by each included: Rhino: Punches, more punches, still more punches, etc., etc., etc.; chops, and more chops; an Elevator Drop (He lifted Super Crazy over his head and dropped him face first); and a couple of Power Slams. Super Crazy: Springboard Moonsault Press; Springboard Missile Drop Kick; Springboard Leg Lariat; Tilt-A-Whirl Flying Head Scissors; Moonsault onto Rhino out in the crowd; Tornado DDT; and a Springboard Moonsault. He missed his patented First, Second and Top Turn Buckle Moonsaults when Rhino got his knees up on the first one. Throughout the match Gertner kept speaking in Spanish, completely pissing Joey off. Joey told him that he could stop ordering dinner, that there was food backstage. Super Crazy won the match when he blocked an attempt at a Rhino Bomb and turned it into a Huricanrana and pinned Rhino. Corino came out from under his rock and into the ring. He gave Rhino a ration of sh*t about getting beat by someone half his size. Rhino finally had enough and backed Corino into a corner and threatened to kick his sorry ass all the way back to Philadelphia. Rhino then went to the center of the ring and extended his hand to Super Crazy. I quickly called my bookie and asked him the odds of Rhino being sincere. After he got up off the floor laughing, he hung up. Smart guy, because as soon as Super Crazy extended his hand, Rhino Clotheslined with a Bradshaw type Clothesline. Super Crazy hit the mat faster than Gertner could scarf down a side of beef. Corino came over and nodded to Rhino. Another Corino setup. who would have guessed? Corino stood over Super Crazy and mocked him. We went off to find out about every video tape ECW ever made ... again.
Winner - Super Crazy
Loser - Super Crazy - Learned a valuable lesson: You screw with a bull,
you get the horn
Lose - Steve Corino - Taz will eventually get his hands on him - It
wont be a pretty sight.
The next match was one taped the last time Masato Tanaka was in the USA. It was v. Mike Awesome and was one hell of a match. The amount of punishment Tanaka absorbed was un-F'N-real. The match was used to hype next Sunday's PPV, Anarchy Rulz, Main Event, where Taz will defend the ECW Championship v. Tanaka. The match was picked up in progress as Gertner called Tanaka "the most ferocious man Taz ever face," and Joey sating it was Taz' plan to keep Suplexing Tanaka on his head until he could slap The TazMission on and make him tap out. Both men hit major power moves. Awesome, who is 6'8" did a dive over the top rope onto Tanaka who was in the first row of fans discussing the monetary exchange rate. This got us an "Oh, my G-d" from Joey. He followed up with a Flying Clothesline off the top turn buckle. Note to all Luchadores: Pay attention and see how these moves should be done. Back in the ring and Awesome nailed a German Suplex as we went off to buy some more tapes and other crap.
When we got back, they were fighting on the floor, where we saw Dueling Chairs. using Steel Chairs, manufactured by The Acme Table and Steel Chair Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, with Tanaka striking the first and deciding shot. His victory was shorted lived as he charged Awesome, but got Back Dropped into the crowd. He resumed his discussion of economic conditions between the USA and Japan, however, Awesome put an end to it with a Springboard Plancha. Joey wet his pants describing how a man as big as Awesome could perform moves like that. Gertner moved away to avoid the puddle, but followed up in his admiration of Awesome's awesome moves. Back in the ring Awesome hit Tanaka with three monster chair shots to the head, but couldn't pin him. Joey wondered if Taz would be able to. Keep the faith Joey, Taz will find a way. Gertner said Tanaka is the only man to ever kick out of a
3-D Dudley Death Drop. OK guys we get the picture, Taz is shaking in his boots. Next up was an Awesome Bomb, followed by Awesome going out and setting up an Acme Prime Wrestling Table, manufactured by The Acme Table and Steel Chair Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, at ringside. He then came off the top turn buckle with a chair shot to Tanaka's head and went for an Awesome Bomb, trying to put Tanaka thru the table with it. Best laid plans of mice an 6'8" monsters sometimes go awry. This one did as Tanaka slipped off, however, took a Clothesline as he did. Awesome tried a second time, believing the old adage "Try, Try again." He failed a second time as Tanaka again slipped off again. At this point Gertner said when he advised The Dudley Boyz in matches involving Tanaka, his words were to make Tanaka tag his partner in because you can't beat him. Based on this, Taz might as well hand the Belt over and save himself the trouble. I don't think so. I think he will show up. After failing to pin Awesome, Tanaka hit him with a Roaring Elbow, but he kicked out of a pinning attempt. Joey was speechless, if you can believe that. Tanaka laid two closed chairs on the mat and hit Awesome with a Tornado DDT coming off the turn buckle and pinned him. Even though Tanaka can't be beat, apparently Awesome can ... and was.
Winner - Masato Tanaka
Winner - The fans and crowd - This was an "Awesome" match - Pun
intended
Winner - The Acme Table and Steel Chair Company
Loser - In a match like this, there are no losers, just survivors
Gertner again told us every place ECW will be coming to thru early October. They will not be coming to Ames, Iowa.
The next match pitted Rob Van Dam (RVD), accompanied by his Manager Bill Alfonso, defending the ECW TV Title v. Jerry Lynn. Prior to the match, we saw a clip from their match at Hardcore Heaven '99, during which Lynn suffered a broken nose and a concussion, but continued on and almost won. Van Dam finally won with a Five Star Frog Splash. This match was another in the series of unreal matches between the two of them. Joey said that Lynn may very well be the only man who can take the Title from RVD, and it's not if, but when. This match was chock full of high flying action and took place in the ring, at ringside and in the crowd. Van Dam hit several aerial move off the guard rail and turn buckle. Lynn scored his share of aerial moves as well. They exchanged all kinds of mat movs, with each man countering or reversing the others moves. Van Dam made good use of a chair as he kicked it into Lynn's face several times, hit him with a Tumbling Senton Splash and nailed him with a Leg Drop, both times with the chair covering Lynn's face. For his part, Lynn made use of the chair as he kicked it into RVD's face and hit him with a Tornado DDT onto it. Both men were down and hurting when The Impact Players, Lance Storm and Justin Credible hit the ring. Storm hit Lynn with a Pile Driver and Credible hit RVD with That's Incredible. They were joined by Jason and Storm's personal Bytch, Dawn Marie. Joey was beside himself that they broke the match up, saying ECW matches end with a winner, unlike the crap we see on Monday. Storm went into his "Calgary is great routine" and Credible his "That's Incredible" one. They left as Joey cursed them for interrupting the match.
Winner - None - Match interrupted but outside interference
Losers - The fans - We didn't get a winner
Winner - The fans - What we saw was Out-F'N-Standing
We saw clips of Storm and Credible beating up: Shane Douglas, and running him out of ECW; Sid Vicious, who Joey called 'The Master of the Imaginary Winning Streak'; Jerry Lynn on numerous occasions; Tommy Dream; The Dudley Boys; and Sabu, who they got banned from participating in the USA.
ECW Owner Paul Heyman appeared in a clip shot earlier. He said ECW on TNN deserved better than what just happened and said there will be a rematch next week. Joey "guaranteed" (there's that word again) a winner.
Gertner gave ECW's House Show schedule ... yet again ... ZZZ
The show closed with more clips of the Raven - Dreamer feud, with word that Raven will speak next week for the first time since returning to ECW from WCW.
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